Do you know youre precious? she would ask during every outing together. But know Im thinking of you and thanks so much for sharing. Big hugs from afar,xoHelen, Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2014 22:07:04 +0000 To: helenm_moore@hotmail.com. Beautiful. Individually, people suffered immensely. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. I couldnt tell anyone not at Christmas. It's far more personal. Maybe some short stories. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. She doesnt know us, theyd say. We visited her in hospital and I showed her pictures of my familys trip there in October and she reminisced about her last trip. Music played an important role in my journey through my mothers illness. I am the oldest of Harold and Pat Thunes 13 grandchildren, and it is a privilege for me to represent them today by offering a few reflections on Pats life. She traveled Europe, South East Asia and Japan, and made many trips to the U.S. also. I hope I can be kinda like her when I grow up. Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. I was reading Anne of Green Gables for the first time, and Grandma allowed me to chatter to her nonstop about this landmark book which she hadnt read. You should write more about her. She taught me how to wash rice for cooking; she told me that every grain lost was a day lost from my life! So beautiful Lea. Your email address will not be published. When confronted with the question of why, Mom laughed and said: I dont know. And am thinking of how to write my eulogy too. It was during that drive that I filled pages with notes about my childhood memories of her. I will continue to write this column every week, because it's important to put this information in front of people, and to keep it in front of them. People didnt deliver meals or flowers. But finding a way to act friendly and cheerful and talkative with the woman who still looked like my grandma required me to put my memories of her pre-dementia identity on hold. My grandmother spent one winter living on potatoes, taking shelter in a tent. But Grandma, who I never heard say shoganai, nevertheless lived shoganai, working hard to move on with her life and to leave the past behind. By Cynthia Rodriguez in My Loss, Personal Essays. Find NJ.com on Facebook. I was expecting to choose hospice care for my grandfather when we met with the hospital staff last Thursday. My aunt Judy was born in Kamloops, my mother in Revelstoke, and my aunt Esther in Vernon, and the family made its way back to Vancouver in 1950, when the Canadian government allowed Japanese Canadians back to the coast, four years after the end of the war. How lovely that you had such a long relationship with her and she was able to pass on so much of herself to other generations. I didnt really take time to grieve, and, to be honest, I thought I had already finished [], [] in Rockport on the Texas coast. 2023 Lauren Flake Grief & Texas, on Saying Goodbye to My Mother: Peace After Alzheimers Disease, Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs, In Memory of My Mother: Funeral Songs For the Love of Dixie, Dear Mom: You Were My First Blessing For the Love of Dixie, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs For the Love of Dixie, Mother's Day: Somewhere in Between Us For the Love of Dixie, When Mother's Day is Hard - For the Love of Dixie, It Is Well with My Soul: Two Years Later - For the Love of Dixie, Living Bravely: Guest Post at Radically Broken - For the Love of Dixie, Guest Post Living Bravely | radicallybroken, Book Review: Forgiveness-Unforgiveness by Erin Olson - For the Love of Dixie, 5 Things Alzheimer's Taught Me about Motherhood - Lauren Flake, If Your Heart Is Just A Little Broken This Mother's Day - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, Why Mother's Day Is Filled with Grief (and Hope) for Me - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, 5 Things That Happen When You Lose Your Mom - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, When Mother's Day is Hard because You Lost Your Mom - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, Though I Walk through the Valley: 12 Days in Psalm 23 Devotional, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? The words of the Bible rolled off her tongue with ease. Her usual way of greeting me these past few years has been to look at Harold and say, Well, look at this handsome young man is he one of us? That morning after church, Grandma looked at me and said, You keep preaching the word, young man. Im still not sure if she knew who I was but she knew who Jesus was, and she recognized his Word when she heard it. I always wondered what made him such a great man and reading your eulogy gives me insight into his upbringing. When words fail, music comes through and pulls us all in. I write my mother's eulogy every single week. When I was first asked to share a few words in honor of my grandmother, I was tempted to wind back the clock about ten years. Required fields are marked *. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. Design by Bethany Beams, Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs , Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? But I can finally remember her, I would have explained, except that I couldnt talk. But of course, this isn't about history. I know how concerned people are about these matters because I hear from them every week. Grandmas faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. Another blogger I follow also unfortunately lost her Grandma. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. My 83-year-old mother has dementia. Its difficult today to fully comprehend the pain of this experience, and how it affected our community. It's something I wasn't able to do for my mother. Who Grandma was in her final years is who she really was. When my grandmother died two weeks ago, I was asked to share a short eulogy at the memorial service. In the last few years of Grandma Paulines life, my older two kids, around 6 and 8 at the time, were confused about why we had to make time to see her. Hi Lea, But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. I was the eldest, born at least 7 years before the next grandchild, so I commanded her attention, plus she was a fairly young grandmother with lots of energy for a young child. Share on Pinterest. Search for: Recent Posts. I was so lucky to have her for so long. Men nr jag passerade ldern d han dog, ndrades ngot. As a child, he always associated the clippety-clop sound of her approaching shoes with a sense of comfort, a sign of someone coming to provide care and security. Everyone told her that it was okay for her to go home but her stubborn little body just kept fighting. 2. If you ask my four kids about their memory of Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years ago. No more suffering, no more pain, no more Alzheimers disease. From what you said, shes more like my grand ma. He is writing a memoir on gender and parenting. [] I have received several requests for the playlist of funeral songs from my mothers services. I Met My Fianc in a Modern Loss Support Group, By Shelby Forsythia in My Loss, Personal Essays. Since the doctors were unable to diagnosis exactly what kind of dementia she suffered from, her children and grandchildren had no general timeline to predict her decline. We shared a hotel room, and as we both got up early, we walked the beach at Waikiki every morning and then Grandma took me to a cafe for breakfast, a different one every day. He took a turn for the worse last Monday, after falling the previous Friday, and was struggling to breath and swallow and in a state of delirium and agitation for several days. With the outbreak of war with Japan, like others in the Japanese Canadian community she was sent with her father, her mother and her younger brother Sid, to a prison camp for the duration of the war. [], [] One year ago, onthe day before Mothers Day, my mother and I looked into each others eyes for the very last time. Jag har aldrig slutat att grta fr allt han har gtt misste om. As Grandma lost her memory these last few years, she often mistook my daughter Mio for me; it took her a while sometimes to connect the adult I am now with the child she used to take care of. We are still grieving, but also returning to good memories for comfort. We honored my mother, Dixie Benton Stucky (1953-2013), on Saturday, June 29, 2013. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. By Tullan Holmqvist in My Loss, Personal Essays. Then the war. She told the same stories over and over, and as time went on closer and closer together. I think that she became a fighter, for herself and for her family. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; 3. (When I saw her again, she was unconscious in the days before her passing.) I cried quietly in the passenger seat, as decade-old memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced. Russell wheeled you outside for some fresh air and sunshine, and you smiled and tried to speak to me several times. It strips away the layers of etiquette and social pretense that most of us have learned to operate with. We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. I started reading your eulogy when you sent it, but read it today thoroughly. Thank you for your kind thoughts, I appreciate them. But then I realized that would be exactly the wrong approach. [], [] This Sunday will bemy second Mothers Day since my mother died. She had dementia and wasnt really enjoying life. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Where Did My Sweet Grandpa Go? I want them to know I had a Grandma Pauline, who filled me with enough love to pass on a gift like that to all of them. m_gallery_title = "Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother\'s life"; Nicknames For Harley Girl, Do you know youre loved?. Cheerfulness. She also boiled shiitake mushrooms which doesnt smell good to kids and to this day I cant eat shiitake. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0],p=/^http:/.test(d.location)? Grandmas love for the Lord Jesus was never personal or private, as many in our modern liberal culture would like to keep it. She taught her daughters to dress nicely and I think I can attribute some of my dress sense to my put-together grandmother. Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. But as long as Mom could still lift a hand, she would lift it in kindness to someone else.". Mothers Day is a difficult time for my grandma and myself, since losing my mom to early onset Alzheimers disease four years ago. March 22, 2012December 11, 2012. We were all sitting around the table and Grandma kept breaking into song the same song over and over again. You Might Have the Better Claim But I Have the Bigger Army. There are no lessons about 'The Art of Mothering' we can only do our best and hope that we do it well. She entered hospice care when I was pregnant with my first daughter and passed away, almost two years later, when I was pregnant with my second daughter. The good memories, the meaningful memories that we have of Pat are of her younger, more vivacious years. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. Ive been in a bit of a shocked state because I think I believed she was eternal, even though she was 94 and getting frailer each time I saw her. Beginners welcome. For some people, we're here to celebrate "Lou." For others, "Mom." She was an expert in Japanese flower arranging and traveled with a bolt cutter and hatchet which she used to glean good specimens for her arrangements. In her mind, Thunes were great at everything and everybody ought to acknowledge it. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing A Loved One. I dont know how much time we have left with my grandfather before he is reunited with my mom. And in her later years, when the more complex aspects of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained. Life is too short to dwell on the painful memories but long enough to rebuild as your grandmother did. They stayed in business until 1973, when Grandpas health forced his retirement. A friend of my mothers for 40 years, Stuart Platt, delivered my mothers eulogy at her funeral and also spoke at her graveside service. Tony Dearing may be reached at tdearing@njadvancemedia.com. When you ask Americans over the age of 60 what health threat they fear the most, overwhelmingly they say Alzheimer's. But she was confused in large groups and had trouble keeping track of the names of what I suspect she considered the extra characters in her life, like our spouses and her great-grandchildren. My most emotional moment was holding my phone up to her ear so my grandfather could say goodbye to his only child. Her life was not easy and I think to be a mother fighting for your familys survival is difficult for your immediate relationships; but even after all that hardship and strife, there was enough softness left inside to give to her granddaughter. She showed me much love and kindness. But people dont quite know how to mourn someone whos still technically alive. Beauty wordings and a few random tangents! We honored my mother, Dixie Benton Stucky (1953-2013), on Saturday, June 29, 2013.We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. Again, a sensory memory of security became the most indelible legacy of a loving parent. When I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish about the imminent loss of my mother and her father, I had no idea that my mothers battle with Alzheimers disease would end just 8 days later.. Death after Alzheimers disease. She didnt wander off and she never completely forgot the members of her immediate family. The loss of my Grandad a few years ago hit me harder that I expected, I wasnt able to read anything at the funeral. I was lucky enough to be the only grandchild with whom she had a close relationship. After a couple of days of absorbing the shock and trying to erase that final image of my mothers lifeless body, I woke up that Monday morning feeling at peace. What you see is what you get. When I logged onto Zoom to lead a session on friendship, my true love was waiting in the grid. Just five weeks after my mothers passing, my 90-year-old grandfather fell and broke one of the vertebrae in his neck. I will always remember how you prompted me to seek out help when I was grieving, and I would be happy to be there for you too, if that is what you need (now or in the future). Now go home and take care of your babies. Grandpa would say: Grandma, no singing at the table. And then it would happen again. We always knew we werent as great as Grandma thought we were; but we hoped we were kinda close. But this is my news, and my eulogy for my Grandma. I just lost her 1st of january 2016. She finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. We will cherish each sweet moment together. Such a nice eulogy to a lovely grandmother. Jameson Peter Mendes, []. It has been a difficult summer for my grandparents. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. Your email address will not be published. After being at the nursing home, watching and waiting, that Tuesday through Thursday, I stayed home all day Friday. From Lillooet she moved with her family to Kamloops, where she met my grandfather, and they married in 1944. My years of worry, tears, and constant attachment to my cell phone, expecting calls from nurses in the middle of the night, were over. The unexpected health risks of skim milk. 5 Things to Do Before Visiting a Psychic Medium, 10 Ways to Overcome Grief-Related Anxiety, The 9 Things No One Tells You About Scattering Ashes, The Movement to Bring Death Closer [NYT Magazine], He Met George Floyd in Sixth Grade. So to me, she was an indulgent and fond grandmother. In 1915, her mother came to Canada as a picture bride. I try to remember that inspirational lesson as I parent my own children. My mother certainly got an A ++ in this. The Riparian Times is a boutique publication with musings about life, travel, fashion and art. We're so glad you're here. Heres what I mean: dementia reveals the true essence of a person. But then, in January, my parents called with news that she had contracted pneumonia. Filed Under: death, growing up, memories Tagged With: Aging, Alzheimer's, life lessons. So I go after dementia the way it went after my mother -- relentlessly, clinically, unrepentantly. I hated watching her unconscious, struggling to breathe and seeing her body succumb a little more each day to dehydration. That morning, however, my grandfather regained full consciousness. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. Because I didn't know. The reason is that my mothers mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. It wasnt until after she died that I was able to honor the memories she would have wanted me to keep, the vibrant ones, the ones unfettered by repetitive questions and painful moments of outright confusion. eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's; Recent Comments. I sat on her bed and held her hand. And now that I can only reach back through the memories, I promise to share the best ones I have with my children and, God-willing, with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. The next day, Saturday, June 22, 2013, I walked into her room with my dad. The blow to Grandmas sense of self-worth was hard to recover from. A few days later, her daughters were with her when she passed; I hope she felt their presence, their love and loyalty to her. She had been a resident at our home on Westbourne Road since 2015. Shed experienced a bad fall, and Id come to see her at the hospital. Im more like my grandfather. We can reduce our risk to a far greater degree than most Americans realize or act upon. A lot of the Japanese culture that I retain, as a fourth-generation Japanese Canadian, came from her. They worked hard and their daughters had good educations. I was constantly racking my brain, trying to figure out what or whom she was waiting on. She couldnt read, couldnt even enjoy a TV show because her short-term memory didnt allow her to retain a plot line. 3. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); On March 29, 2022, I was invited by Senator John Thune to be the guest chaplain for the U.S. Senate,, In the past week, its suddenly become commonly accepted wisdom that congregational singing is, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window), Protect Your Kids: How to Install an Internet Filter, Healthcare: Why Both Parties Are Missing the Point, A Historic Day: What Brexit Tells Us About Culture. During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. For those of you who dont know me, my given name is Robert Harold Thune or Bobby, as my grandmother called me for my entire life. However, by the time she was 85, the connection Id always considered so special, essential, and real had truly become formal and foreign. I was finally ready for her to go. Her battle was over. I vividly remember my last good visit with you, about a month before you died, when (my brother) Russell and I came to see you the day before Mothers Day. I told my husband I feel like when I hold her hand, Im asking her to stay with me. For some reason, I knew that she would let go when no one was watching her; I felt she wanted it that way. But you never know what small, barely noticeable gestures and habits might become your most visible, defining characteristics in the eyes of your children someday. By Bob Thune
I didnt hear my grandmother say shoganai. She didnt speak of the internment at all to me. Required fields are marked *. And there are three things that stand out to me as part of her enduring legacy. She stopped going to her film class; she quit her book club; she lost interest in seeing friends. Your eulogy was so heartwarming and beautiful. Even though she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and held hands when we walked around Honolulu. I wish we had taken a picture of the three of us that day. Growing up as a kid with that kind of a grandmother had a way of bestowing confidence, self-worth, and a sense of rootedness. Your love for her, your tender descriptions of her, your understanding and compassion for her wartime experiences and your tribute to her character are so beautifully written. Your father touched my soul like no one ever has. Tagged as eulogy, Japanese Canadian internment, What a stunning and moving tribute to your grandmother. Keep living your life. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; she never watched a ball game in which her kids or grandkids werent the most valuable player; and she never understood why John didnt get 100% of the vote in every election. She was perpetually cheerful, joyful, and sunny. We thought that the trip would provide a nice diversion for all of [], [] itshard to watch friends lose their moms (and dads) much too young, I know from my own experience that, eventually, they will come out the other side, stronger and wiser, even though that ache [], [] This will be my eighth Mothers Day since my mother died. Clara Sent from my iPhone. I cant say for sure what her memory and consciousness were allowing her to experience, but Id like to think that we made one last connection before she left us. Saying goodbye to my mother. And then I wrote her eulogy. This hits me close to home as my own grandmother recently passed away after suffering with dementia for a decade or so. I am so sorry for your loss but what a moving memorial for her life. They did manage to avoid the holding pens of the Exhibition grounds where so many were forced to live in horse stalls; on arrival they lost themselves in the crowds and fled to Steveston where they took refuge with their friends the Arakis before the inevitable removal by train to the interior. Eulogy for Ellen, My Mother. It's an anxiety that hangs over all of us. I stopped in my tracks as soon as I saw her, waiting for her to breathe. Thinking of you, my dear friend. This Grandsons Eulogy for His Grandmother Will Touch Your Heart and Make You Long for Yours. Said, shes more like my grand ma go after dementia the way it went after my mother.! Mediocre sermon ; 3 are the fruit of those prayers long for Yours knew answer! These matters because I hear from them every week pain, no at! On Christmas Eve that would be exactly the wrong approach parents called with news that became! 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